Sunday, March 11, 2012

The days of the fountain pen.....



She is a journalist's daughter. Newspapers, white papers, ink written articles, type-writers and fountain pens were her entire life. Even when she recalled her school days, one of the most vivid memories was graduating from a pencil to a fountain pen in the fourth grade and then finally to a ball-point in high school. There was so much emphasis given to good hand-writing...it was almost like it was a reflection of who you are. She recalled her Dad's famous phrase in Malayalam that translated to "Your fate's writing will depend on your hand-writing". Less than 2 decades now and everything's changed.....Kids are born browsing the laptop and using touch phones. Her daughter started writing with a ball pen the first time she actually wrote on paper which was after her practice sessions on smart boards and leap frogs etc. Hard to believe.

Same with books...There was nothing like the smell of an old book. The touch, the smell and the feel of paper was as important as its content. But with the advent of ebooks, online reading and the wiki-world, the anticipation of waiting for a favorite author's book hitting the stands is extinct and so is the pleasure of pulling out an old book off the racks and finding a book mark with scribbles that kindle a fond memory from the past. Something the next generation of kids would possibly never know.

Same with music....From the days of cassettes/tapes to CDs to iPods and podcasts. The pride of owning a cassette that no one else did or passing on a box of tapes from one gen to the other will soon be unheard of. 
Also, letters. Yet another aspect of old school that was very close to her heart. She still remembered the days when her Dad would write to his Dad(in Kerala) in a blue envelope (they called it the inland letter). He would ask her to write the last few lines inquiring about his health and sign off. It took 7-10 days for the letter to reach Kerala and then the wait for his response began. She would wait for the post man after school everyday to see if her grand dad wrote back and had something nice to say. Finally, the letter would arrive but since it was addressed to her Dad she would wait until he got back from work to open it. Finally there it was, the handwritten text on the inland letter and not once would her Dad skip mentioning how impeccable her grandpa's hand-writing was, even at 70. Her daughter on the other hand skyped with her grandpa and it would be highly ambitious to hope that she would constantly correspond over email when she grows up. For all you know, she'll be face-booking him.

While technology is a great thing and internet is the biggest invention after the fire and the wheel and ironically it is her bread and butter, she couldn't help but think of the simpler times when life was as basic as it should be.....While technology claims to have made everything easy and simple, had it really?

A million-dollar question.........One that only a transitional generation(s) could answer....It baffled her to think how much change her grandma who was born and raised in the 1920s had seen. From days of the gramophone and radio (that she had to walk about 10 miles to listen to) to television and internet and email. From the hand-held phone (mouth piece separate from he ear piece) to land lines to cell phones to face-time....She'd seen it all....the evolution of man-kind to its pinnacle and the progress of a generation that was faster than the speed of light ....yet she stood poised and undeterred in the face of change. A moral/ethical standard and strength of character only someone from her generation is capable of projecting.

Of course accompanied by all the social changes. From a male dominated family setup, from fidelity and loyalty being the pillars of a sound marriage, from the girl child being a second-class citizen, her grandma had witnessed women empowerment in all its glory. While that sounds like a good thing and she was a strong proponent of equality for women, she couldn't help but wonder if the failings of the society on the social/moral front and the lapse of a generation's ability to choose right from wrong and the demise of character in young adults leading to drugs, premature sex and criminal tendencies had to do with the liberated woman syndrome. One that leads the woman to believe that the upbringing of a child is not her sole responsibility.....

Sad but isn't it true? Wish she had a time machine so she could travel back to those simpler, happier, more contended times and give her daughter a tour of the same. A glimpse into a glorious past that is now lost in the ramblings of a power driven, speed focused and ever-changing  society.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Turbulence



The most unnerving and unraveling moments in a person's life, she believed are coming face to face with a very powerful emotion - Sometimes its loss, sometimes its love, sometimes its dilemma, sometimes its disillusionment and sometimes its just realization. Like a storm plunging through the skies and pouring down.....it wipes away every sane thought and logic that crosses your mind.

Clarity is the key and that's exactly what one lacks in those moments. Life almost always presents choices. Some are clear based on your priorities, your values and principles and your life's experiences. Other times, the choices are murky. It takes an enormous amount of strength and will-power to do the right thing. It also depends on what you deem important in life.

Different people attributed significance to different things in life - power, wealth, success, relationships and so on. She had dealt with power and influence. She was born and raised in a family that had it all. Wealth was important but just to get by. Success was subjective. She did not believe in a common yardstick for success.

Relationships are what she thrived on. So, what she found most disarming was people not living up to their potential or what she believed was their potential. People disappointing to the extent that you've lowered your benchmarks for humaity as a whole. Relationships that matter but don't quite make it. Relationships that are promising but never get a head-start.

She struggled with these close encounters from time to time - she liked to call it emotional turbulence. She often wished there were a series of instructions to follow like "Fasten your seatbelt or walk to the nearest emegency exit in case of of an emergency landing" etc....Sadly, emotional turbulence came with no instruction booklet.

But then maybe not everyone experienced it in that magnitude. Maybe it was a girl thing. Or maybe one had to be capable of feeling every raw emotion to its absolute pinnacle. Not everyone was that gifted (or cursed). But her heart felt it -every whisper, every flutter, every tremor..... Most times, she felt alive because of it. Sometimes she wished she didnt feel so truly and deeply about everything. Because lets face it, most things didnt warrant or deserve that kinda ardent attention.

"You go with the flow" her heart would say "and when the tide is right, you steer your course to how you want to be"....Magic words ! She tried to repeat it in her head every single day !

Monday, October 3, 2011

Serendipity !!



She loved that movie....Like any hopeless romantic her age, she'd watched it over and over till she convinced herself that Jonathan Trager existed and that he was just a $5 bill away. This was during her college days. Then LIFE happened. She grew up and decided that if her Jonathan Trager existed, he would find his way to her and if he didn't, then well, it was a great story.

And so, her quest for "Soul mate" ended and her journey of reality began. But she struggled with convincing herself that all one could do was wait and believe. After all, shouldn't who you give the priceless gift of 'Yourself' be more a matter of choice than of chance? But can you defy Destiny? Or is destiny an outcome of the choices you make? 

Is love just a series of happy accidents? Because in the end it was all about LOVE. The universal truth is 'To love and be loved are the most important things in life'. Love is omnipotent and omnipresent. And love is not binding. For relationships to flourish its essential that love be there, but for love to blossom there is no mandate that a relationship be in place. 

And though she'd revised and re-visited her concept of soul mate with time, at the end of the day, she had concluded that it is someone that is an extension of you, someone that completes you, someone that brings out the best in you and in whose presence you thrive. Also that "If you desire something deeply enough , all universe conspires to help you achieve it." 

So, in her dream world, a long time ago, she believed that he waited under the moonlit sky and the moment she walked past him, bells would ring, a cool breeze would blow and it would start snowing. One look at him and she would know that they were meant to be and before she knew it, he would whisk her away into eternity......


-So long folks.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Surviving Marriage - Emerging unscathed.....



6 years into it and she was still dabbling with it. She was neither an authority on marriage nor was she qualified to presume so. But she'd survived it with grace and poise- so far. Three years ago she had some pretty profound ideas about the institution of marriage. For those that haven't read that post, stop by http://herspiritunveiled.blogspot.com/2008/11/i-do.html before you go any further.

Though nothing had shattered the core foundation of that thought process, a ton of thoughts had piled onto it with time and experience. While every marriage was different and not everything she learnt was universally applicable, she did believe that it absolutely would not disillusion the average married person reading it. So, here are a few - should we call it 'lessons learnt' ?
  • While marriage like any good relationship takes work, it just shouldn't be an ordeal. 
  • Like Leo Tolstoy once said "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility"
  • Mutual respect is indispensable and this is most relevant in adversity and conflict.
  • When you marry a person, you marry the entity - the upbringing, the baggage they come with, the insecurities, the influences and a plethora of idiosyncrasies 
  • There is a thin line between ego and self-respect. While you can do away with the former, one should never let go of the latter.
  • What is to be told and what to withhold - Transparency is good but diplomacy is better.
  • Soul mates do exist. Just don't count on it being the person you're married to.
  • Children may be a great reason to get married but they shouldn't be the sole reason to stay married.
  • There will be highs and lows but the beauty of marriage lies in the crescendo ending in perfect symphony.
  • Marriage has to be orchestrated. There is no such thing as perfect harmony.
  • Complacence spells the death of passion and romance in a marriage.
  • In the end, there has to be a strong binding force for a marriage to survive. Some attribute it to love, some to passion, some to commitment, some to societal norms, some to children and some others to mere convenience. Each to his own. 
The way she saw it, one had to be invested in it. In the end, marriage was what you made of it. While a long list of virtues contributed to surviving marriage, the one that topped her list was short-term memory :) 
She'd grown, matured and evolved with 6 years of marriage way more than she had in the 25 years before it. She wasn't sure if she'd become a better person or not but it had transformed her for sure. She was yet to progress from "Surviving" marriage to "Thriving" in it.

On a lighter note:
"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married" :) -Katharine Hepburn


So long folks ! 

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Men - What's fetching and what's not ?


Turn on's :
  • A potent combination of strength and vulnerability
  • Spontaneity and Intelligence
  • Generosity (both financially and otherwise)...Someone that is very giving
  • A sparkling sense of humor/Wit
  • Responsible and great with kids
  • Treats his woman with respect
  • Passion
  • A tinge of jealousy and possessiveness
  • Ability to play music
  • Appreciation for finer things in life -art, music, theater, food
    Turn offs:
    • Lies, deceit and inability to step up and take a stand
    • All talk and no action
    • Treating women with disrespect (especially his woman)
    • Double standards
    • Vanity
    • Being Cheap and/or money-minded
    • Cowardice
    • Short temper
    • Insensitivity 
    • Alpha male syndrome
    Men are supposedly simple creatures or so they proclaim. From where she was looking there was nothing simple about a man. Maybe she was at a rare vista point :)

    Sunday, August 7, 2011

    A Surreal Evening....



    She could see the sea from miles away and hear the waves crashing against the shores. She felt the cool breeze on her face and the faint drizzle of the rain that was soon to come pouring down. She and Ryan were riding a tandem bike along the coast line. They didn't talk much which was very unlike her. Silence had never been her forte. But this compatible and peaceful silence -she was beginning to enjoy. The fact that she was with someone that placed her above everything else in life was a heart-warming realization and her sense of security and peace emerged from that knowledge.

    As they rode down the winding roads and got to the final bend, she got a glimpse of the ocean -Infinite, blue and deep. It was turbulent and peaceful at the same time. What a paradox she thought. Ryan walked towards an abandoned boat by the shore. She followed him picking up some sea shells on her way. Bright, beautiful and colorful sea shells gleamed in her hand by the setting sun. While she sat on that boat her hands intertwined in his, waiting for the sun to set, she knew that this was the moment of truth. Everything she had ever wanted, everything she relentlessly sought but never found was right here in this boat. It left her skin glowing in the orange hues of the dusk. 

    Once it started getting dark, Ryan asked her if they should head back and stop for dinner some place. She felt her tummy rumbling so she couldn't agree more. They rode back to what she called the "Quaint street". This street had tiny restaurants hidden within lush landscapes that served delectable food. Ryan loved the corn chowder they served in one of those restaurants. She loved the ambiance. They would dine by the alley with glass lanterns hanging over them in the dimly lit setting she loved. They played jazz music inside that got faded by the chatter outside. Ryan kept saying how delicious the food was and towards the end, looked into her eyes and said "If I had my way, I would make time stand still, so I could capture this surreal moment forever." She could barely conjure up a smile.  "Your eyes speak volumes and I can read you like a book" he said and then started humming "You say it best when you say nothing at all". 

    He then slid a velvet box out of his pocket. Before she could react, he took out a toe ring and went down on his knee and slid it into her toe. She was speechless and ecstatic both at the same time. He then walked her down to their bike planting a kiss on her forehead. Life had paused for a moment and so had her heart. She was pretty sure it had skipped a couple of beats. But then it started beating so frantically that it made up for the skipped beats almost immediately. She was happy, truly happy !! What an evening it was and what a night it promised to be !!

    Tuesday, August 2, 2011

    M for Moolah

    "A wise man should have money in his head, but not in his heart" Jonathan Swift 


    That was her all time favorite quote about money. She often looked at people's perspective on finances and wondered what governed their thought processes. After observing a few very close subjects, she concluded that the financial circumstances you were born and brought up under influenced how you handled "moolah" to a large extent. So, a person who grew up knowing economic difficulties and limitations would turn out to be one of the two below stated, if he's not the normal "middle of the road" kind.
    1. A Splurger: This guy has always been limited and contained when it came to spending money. So, if he grew up to have enough money, his rationale is that he should spend it all. Since he couldn't spend any when he didnt have any, why follow the same, when you have enough or more? He believes that his kids should never have to know or live by the limitations that he did.
    2. A Financial Conservanist: This guy grew up knowing the value of money since he didn't have enough either. So when he has enough or more, he wants to make sure he saves it or invests it and secures his kids future so he/she shall never face with the same challenges that he did. Additionally, since he's valued money so much for so many years, he does not have it in him to throw away or spend recklessly what he deems invaluable.
    She did not have a chance to observe people that were born with a silver spoon in their mouth or what that translated to, as far as their financial outlook was concerned. Should make for an interesting sequel some day.

    She personally was born and raised in an economically self-sufficient family. She had working parents at a time when that concept was uncommon in India. Yet when it came to money, her Dad was a traditionalist. He believed that the only money you had, was the money you earned and the money you saved. He taught her two valuable lessons growing up: The value of money and the need to splurge now and then. Her Dad had often quoted Benjamin Franklin and said "If you really want to know the value of money try borrowing some". A lesson that stayed with her all her life. She knew that she'd always plan enough so she wouldn't ever have to ask another in times of need. Additionally, she was just as careful with money. She didn't lend money easily or throw it away. Financial security for the future of her child was her top most priority. She wanted to make sure that her only child would have the best of everything and the dearth of nothing. Yet she would give her kid an upbringing that would help mold her into becoming a financially responsible adult. After all, if love is what makes the world go round; Money is what makes it bend over backwards :)

    That being said she did splurge every once in a while. It was her way of paying tribute to the "good life". If you worked hard every single day, you've earned the right to spend some of it "just because". A pair of Jimmy Choo's, a Louis Vuitton hand bag, a Mercedes Benz car, a vacation to Puerto Rico -could be anything that does not fit into the paradigm of "rational spending". "Live it up" - after all like a wise man once said, "One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching".