For the love of Horses...

I wont pretend to know anything about horses. I barely do. I'm not a equestrian (though I wish I'd learnt to ride) nor a racing enthusiast. I'm merely an admirer of these magnificent creatures. They say "Horses are God's way of apologizing for men". Maybe that's it ;)

I can't quite put a finger on it. Anyone who knows me knows that I barely tolerate most animals. But when it comes to horses, I can't tell if its the grace, the power or its spirit that runs wild and free. Driving down the countryside of North Texas, you see these huge ranches with its exquisite homes paneled with end to end glass windows and and large red barns. Green pastures as far as the eye can see and in the middle of it, these thoroughbreds are either running or grazing or simply drinking from a waterhole. There is something soothing about that visual. Something that calms the soul.

The days when I feel dull and dreary, the days when I need to find a higher purpose, on occasion when life seems to pass me by, I take a drive valiantly chasing the winds within a 5-10 mph over the speed limit. Switching my eyes between the road ahead and the sprawling landscapes passing outside my window, I catch glimpses of the green farmlands like paint spilled over gray canvas. I see cattle herds , stables, wooden gazebos and water bodies. But nothing compares to the sight of a brown Mustang or a black Stallion galloping past the farm. Its legs sturdy and strong, its mane like the hair of a supermodel with a wind machine and its tail risen ever so slightly in vanity.

Its like seeing poetry in motion. I may have missed my calling. I don't know what it is but I can tell you horses were a big part of it. Pam Brown aptly sums up my thoughts - "A horse is the projection of peoples' dreams about themselves - strong, powerful, beautiful - and it has the capability of giving us escape from our mundane existence".

Timeless Treasures

For someone that was a social butterfly and seemingly popular with people, I had few real friends. I never had a dearth of people I got along with or people I shared common interests with or even people I could have a good time with. But I didn't really think of them as FRIENDS. My bar for friendship has been higher than my bar for most relationships. Simply because I believe Friendship is the only relationship of choice. All other relationships are determined by blood, fate, a legal document or all of the above.

Growing up, I was amazed that my mom, my brother and many other people I knew that had such a huge circle of friends. I was in awe of them. Mine was a small circle, almost a dot when it came to close friends. Perhaps, I'm not easy to be with too. Trust me, that thought has crossed my mind. 

To this day, I am very purposeful about my friendships. Whether I choose them or they choose me, it is from a place of higher understanding and its definitely not existential. I've had a handful of deep, meaningful friendships that have changed my life forever. These handful of people have come, stayed or left but my life has never been the same again.

They all have had one common purpose. To be a part of my story and alter its course in beautiful, transformational and permanent ways. In hindsight, they have taught me a few meaningful lessons that have stood the test of time:

• They have your back - Unwavering, unconditional support. They have been there thru good and thru trying times, nudging me along, sometimes taking the heat, sometimes merely cheering from the sidelines. Even when I was completely at fault or I'd screwed up big time, they stood up for me. They yelled at me behind closed doors or over the phone but they ALWAYS stood up for me for the world to see. They have taught me what it means to trust implicitly and be loyal even when it seems improbable.

• Ego must go - Ego and love cannot coexist. If you love unconditionally, you have to let go of your ego. Its a journey getting there but when you do, its an easy choice. You always choose LOVE. Also, LOVE in its true form is selfless. Which means these people expected nothing in return from me. In retrospect, I think I gave very little out of sheer ignorance. But it made no difference.  They just LOVED, anyway. 

• Personal cheerleaders - They were my mirror when I needed to see myself for who I really was. It is miraculous what one can accomplish when there is someone who never stops believing in you and goes out of their way to show it.

• Active listeners - I was always the talker, I still am. I always have something to say, a point to make or just a wrinkle that needs smoothening. Sometimes I'm fascinating, other times I'm a drag. Sometimes I just need someone to hear me out and validate my fears or refute them. Other times I need someone to tell me it will all be fine. They understood my implicit, unspoken needs. They were amazing listeners and prevented my gift of the gab from becoming a curse. 

• Footprints on your soul - This is indeed my favorite phrase. I use it often when I speak and when I write because it is the most tangible truth there is. Many people walk into your life but only a few leave footprints on your soul. I lovingly call them the "milestone people". They become a milestone in your life. There is life before them and there is life after them. All notions of time, space and reality are thereafter connected to their existence in your life.

I have been lucky to have about 5-6 people in this short life that have been true FRIENDS from this very perspective. I've met a lot of great people and made many meaningful acquaintances but only these friendships have traveled with me and stood the test of distance and time. These people know who they are and require no validation or acknowledgement. They came into my life for a reason, stayed for as long as they needed to and left having made me a better person for knowing them and being loved by them.

My Gypsy Soul

Let me start off with a disclaimer. I claim no spiritual supremacy or enlightenment and this is not an attempt to take you alongside me on a spiritual journey. If anything, I hope you feel compelled to ponder with purpose on the very essence of your being.

I, for one, strongly believe that every soul has an innate type. Some people have the soul of a warrior, some of a nurturer, others of a strategist and so on. These innate qualities will reflect and shine through in the things you do. When people say they have found their calling in serving other people, that speaks to the soul of a nurturer or when others say they have found their calling in preaching or spreading knowledge and the word of God, that speaks to the soul of a Devotee.

I have often wondered about the queer and abstract realities that sum up my being. An innate restlessness and the need to keep exploring new horizons. A desire to walk off the beaten path and live like a free spirit. An inexplicable need to be with no one and everyone at the same time. A non-conformism heightened by a fascination towards all things mystical and quaint - be it places, artifacts, books or art. Covertly spiritual without being overtly religious. A stark sense of independence with a healthy disregard for people's opinion. A heart that craves freedom and a wanderlust that refuses to die. Great admiration for whimsical forms of self expression and love for earthy tones.

If it weren't for social norms, relationships and responsibilities, I may have lived a life wandering thru places, living in the now, gathering stories to tell and leaving foot prints in people's hearts. A dear friend once quoted some wise man and told me "You have a the heart of a hippie and the soul of a gypsy". Come to think of it, he couldn't have been more right. 

"Don't clip my wings, don't tie me down,
Just let me breathe or I will drown
Don't stop me now, don't own me yet,
Let me walk alone into the sunset

I have places to go and miracles to see,
You are welcome to follow me
The sights, the sounds, the sonnets and the art
They'll all be tattooed on my heart

When all is said and done and I look back,
Life will be but a collection of memories
And a beautiful walk down a beaten track"

So long y'all.....