Dare to dream - Disney

Disneyland is the happiest place on earth, truly. And when Disney characters came to life on the ice rink today, I was visibly more excited than my 8 year old.  What is it about these fairy tales and princesses that captivates my imagination?

Let's be honest. I'm not 10 anymore. I'd like to believe I'm stronger, smarter and wiser than I was when I first stepped into the world of Disney. I've seen my fair share of cruelty, heart break, pain and suffering to be blind to the harsh realities of life.

I'd also like to believe that I'm an independent, progressive woman who hasn't needed a Prince charming to save her. Then what is the magic in these stories that never fails to enthrall us?

I figure it's exactly that - Magic. The magic of happy endings. A hope that all will be fine in the end. And a reminder that no matter what life throws at you - a cruel stepmother, a wicked witch, an eternal curse or a scary beast, love and courage overcomes all. 

The magic of knowing that no matter how beautiful, how strong or how capable you are, it's good to have someone by your side that sees the best in you and reminds you of it when it seems really hard to do. 

The magic of rescue. The need to be rescued sometimes even if it's just from ourselves. The desire to have someone fight for you, on behalf of you and take on the world by your side when you have little left to give. 

The magic of good conduct. It teaches young men to be valiant, respectful and chivalrous. And it teaches little girls to be courteous, classy and charismatic. God knows the world today could do with a little more of both well-bred men and classy women.

In the end, it's the magic of dreams. It's being transported to a parallel universe where anything is possible. That audacity of imagination, innocence of thought and the relentless pursuit of happiness. Disney will always be a safe haven for the little girl in me who has not been rendered jaded or cynical by the cold, hard world outside but still believes that "If you can dream it, you can do it".

What living in America has taught me…

To tell you what living in America has taught me, I have to tell you how I got here. Like most engaging stories, you won’t appreciate the lesson till you understand the journey.

So, let’s start at the beginning…I was one of those young adults who detested the whole migration business growing up. I found it very off-putting that smart young people would be so enamored by the US (and other foreign lands) that they would do just about anything to leave India and settle abroad. And if you are from Hyderabad, you know I’m not kidding about the “anything”. It just didn’t add up in my tiny head. What was the craze about? Like most judgmental, narrow-minded people, I took an immediate aversion to it and decided that I was not going to be one of them. I didn’t want to go or live abroad. Travel? Sure but not to settle down.

Anyway, while I was making my grand plans to be a career-oriented, independent young woman symbolizing urban India, destiny had other plans. I got engaged to this charming young man, who, after 18 months of going thru sub-optimal proposals and average specimen seemed like a refreshing change. Someone I could share my ideas, my dreams and my life with. Someone cerebral who wanted to know more than if I could cook good food and take care of a home. Only one TINY problem. He was living and working in the US. No!! Why God? Why? Leaving my parents and the only place I knew to be home and moving so far away to be a part of the paradox I worked so hard to NOT be a part of. Irony was never more harrowing.

Long story short, the man out-weighed the predicament of living abroad. I got blissfully married and moved to the US which at that point in time seemed like a short term plan. It took months before I could open my heart and mind to the possibilities that US had to offer. I was home sick for the longest period of time. It wasn’t the change or the adjustment as much as it was losing everything I held core to my being. Family, extended family, social life, emotional support etc.

After having lived in the US for almost 11 years now, when I look back at my life and how it’s transformed me to the very core in fundamental ways, I’m not one bit surprised. While there are pros and cons to every situation including the living in India vs. US and I can argue both sides all day long, there are a few lessons I’ve learnt that I would not trade for anything in the world. I’ve evolved in ways I never envisioned; thanks to being on my own. While I could dissect that list and write a whole book, I’m going to try and abstract it to the 3 most fundamental realizations:

• Self-esteem and the social construct: In India, you are raised in the public eye among a lot of people. Folks that matter and folks that don’t. Everyone has an opinion and you are hard wired to seek validation. You are only as successful as the car you own or the number of houses you have or the money you can throw at people. You are only as happy as your relatives’ think you are and your Facebook page suggests. You are only as viable as people’s opinion of you. In short, your net worth and your self-esteem is a factor of what everyone else thinks of you. Being in the US, far away from people’s opinions and random actualizations, I experienced LIBERATION. Liberation from the life-long clutches to seek approval and please people. Don’t get me wrong. I still have an inner circle of folks including my parents whose thoughts and opinions matter. But I’ve learnt to determine who belongs to that inner circle and who doesn’t. And I’ve learnt to slowly but surely discount the existence of people not in that inner circle. In time, I’ve also learnt to love myself deeply for who I really am and forgive myself when I’m not perfect. I’ve always been a FREE SPIRIT, but I have to say this is a whole new level of NIRVANA.
• People are dispensable: Since I had a huge extended family and so many friends back in India, I believed many of them were an indispensable part of my happiness. And that not being around them would somehow keep me from being WHOLE. Distance and time have shown who among those people really care and are worthy of my time. Guess what? Those that got left behind, moved on and so did I. And I am no less rich in their absence; on the contrary I’ve learnt to hold on tighter and value/invest in relationships that matter so they don’t wither away with time. No harm, no foul but everyone is dispensable including me and that’s OK by me. I’ve also learnt that I can take on most challenges that life throws my way single-handedly and see them thru with a little faith in GOD and a strong belief in self. Having someone to share it with is a huge bonus but not par for the course. No problem in insurmountable but no one can do it for you.
• It opened up a WHOLE NEW WORLD: There is a lot to be said for diversity and exposure. Living in what is called the world’s “Melting pot” amongst people from different countries, religions, culture and ethnicities opens your horizons in ways that living in India never would have. I have an amazing lifestyle to offer to my daughter not to mention the gamut of possibilities that life in America has in store. I’m more open, I’m more flexible, I’m more broad-minded, I’m more accepting and I’m more enigmatic today than I’ve ever been and I’m loving every bit of it.

I say this with no sense of arrogance but in the most humble way possible. I have re-discovered myself, my strengths, my limitations, my relentless spirit and my unconquerable soul. I have re-invented my life living in a country that has offered me opportunities and the freedom to be whoever I want to be with no social stigma or handbook to follow. Thank you America, for being the anti-thesis to everything I made you out to be :)

The WORD Vibe

As you can tell, I am a fan of words; specifically the "written word". It runs in my family. My grandfather used to send my father letters in blue inland covers (yes, life before the internet...I know its hard to fathom) and he would have these one line phrases that my Dad would narrate to me on various occasions 'coz they served as nuggets of wisdom without the heavy lifting. My grandfather would send me letters too when I had crossed a major milestone like passing 10th grade, graduating college etc. I remember one letter vividly where he said "If money is lost, nothing is lost; if health is lost, something is lost but if character is lost, everything is lost". I may have been 11 or 12 but it stuck with me and it has taken me thru some pretty rough times.

My Dad writes to me every once in a while, now via email when he has something important to say. Subtle but significant is his style. My uncles would send me money orders when I achieved excellence and in it would be a couple lines/notes cheering me or wishing me success.  I grew up treasuring the words more than the gifts. Which is why I am a big sucker for cards and God knows Archies and Hallmark have made more money out of me than most stores in India.

Anyway, the gist of the matter is that I have now developed an obsessive tendency for words. Every thought, every situation, every feeling, every person, every encounter can usually be defined in ONE word/phrase; I strongly believe in this. Even when it can't be, you have a word for it - ambiguous, gray, abstract, complicated, transitional and so on.

So, the other day as I was cleaning up my hOuse after my parents left for India (having inhabited my natural habitat for over 2 months), I was picking up a vibe. I tried to give it A WORD...one that would explain the sweet nostalgia mixed with impregnable hope, immortal memories and serene tranquility. I may be biased but I've lived in a few houses in my short lifetime. And I've always felt happiness, sadness, despair and anxiety but never this clean, pure joy and still serenity. So I was obsessed to find my word that would describe that vibe, only to realize that if it didn't come to you, it just didn't come to you.

I lit up the aroma dispenser, opened the window so I could hear my wind chimes in the patio and arranged the fresh cut flowers in my blown glass vase. NOTHING...I eventually gave up. The next day, my cleaning lady came to clean the house. She went about her chores the usual way stopping and inquiring about my parents, complimenting the new pictures on the wall and adoring my aroma dispenser. She is a Spanish lady and her English is very patchy/shaky. We make do with my erratic Spanish and her half decent English.

Anyway, as she finished up her work and was about to leave, I paid her, gave her a hug and said 'muchas gracias". She said "De nada" as always and she also said pointing to a family photo hanging on the wall "Small home but beautiful...I go lot of houses but this home is special". Well, she's always sweet that way so I smiled and said " I think so too, thank you". To my surprise she continued..."It got HARMONY" and then she left.

I was speechless. There's my word. She gave me my WORD - HARMONY. Life gives you little surprises where you least expect them and shifts something inside of you. Juanita did that for me. She picked up a vibe that I always felt and she gave it a WORD. Something I could hold on to. And I've been reeling in that sense of euphoria ever since.

So long....

The Jungle Book

It was my favorite book and cartoon as a kid. It spoke to me in many ways but I couldn't quite put a finger on it as a child. Now that I'm all grown up (some would argue grown old), I realized it still spoke to me, only this time I had my reasons. 

• It is based in INDIA - A beautiful tale of co-existence of man with nature is a reflection of Rudyard Kipling's life experiences in India and a figment of his vibrant imagination. The fabric and authenticity of the Jim Corbett National park are captured flawlessly in this narration.

• It is a journey of self discovery - The story of Mowgli is a journey in search of an identity and that leads to total liberation. Mowgli is an outliar in the jungle. He is a "man" cub raised by wolves and mocked by other animals. He feels the constant urge to fit in so he starts acting like a wolf and truly believes he is one of them.  Only to realize his differences are what make him Unique;It is what makes him strong.

• It is a story about the people that shape your life - The two great influences in Mowgli's life are Baloo and Bagheera. One shows him the lighter side of life, the value of friendship and how to have a good time and make the most of what life has to offer. The song:
         "Look for the bare necessities
          The simple bare necessities
          Forget about your worries and your strife
          I mean the bare necessities"


is testament to that free spirit. Bagheera on the other hand plays by the rules. He teaches Mowgli to be adept,on guard and righteous at all times. He is protective and passionate about Mowglis' well being. Both, very different influences and relationships but both corroborate the heart warming thought that "Love is unconditional" and you can love somebody with all your heart even if they are not one of you. We all have people like Baloo and Bagheera that have walked into our lives and left indelible foot prints on the sands of time.

• It is a heart-wrenching tale of Motherhood - Raksha, the mother wolf that raised Mowgli and her struggle to choose between his well being and his proximity is the story of every mother that has had to put her child first. It is testimonial to the fact that motherly love knows no boundaries, sees no distinction between her own and adopted. She does what she knows to do best -SHE LOVES.

• It is the story of the HUMAN spirit - The formidable and invincible spirit of mankind that Mowgli personifies. Man's will to survive against all odds. The impeccable ability to bring people or in this case different animals together and fight for a common cause. As the last dialogue in the film so aptly summarized it "Tonight I saw a boy without a people bring the entire Jungle together for the very first time"

For all these reasons and more, "The Jungle Book" will forever remain my most cherished reminiscence of childhood. 

Being ME !!

I was conditioned to believe that "Mediocrity is a sin". The world endorsed it by celebrating success, fame and money. Mediocrity was something to be feared, avoided and vehemently opposed at all costs. If you didn't excel, you didn't do enough. Go big or go home, as they say. I watched the role models, the so called prodigies and celebrities and started shaping my entire life around this idea. It slowly became the only way I knew how to navigate life.


Well, part of it may have been in my DNA (the never-ending nature vs. nurture argument). But part of it was self inflicted. I strived to be excellent at academics, I strived to be a good daughter, I strived to be good at anything I picked up. Obviously the drive was only for the things I cared about. I sucked at sports and that didn't bother me because I made peace with the fact that I wasn't cut out for it. Anyway, long story short, I slowly evolved into a Type A personality- the kind that pursues perfection and doesn't settle for anything less.

I am now a wife, a mom and a career woman. I still strive every day to balance it all and be the best I can be. In that journey, there are days that are immensely stressful and frustrating, way more than it needs to be. That's when I start wondering - what if I don't have it in me to go BIG? What if I'm happy being me ? What if this constant race to stay on top of things and given it my 100% has taken away from my potential for love and joy ? What if I don't want to impact thousands of lives, be remembered in history or have an epitaph that read "the world's greatest whatever" ? What if I don't want to solve everybody's problems and ensure they all live up to their potential (including my kid) ? What if I'm happy brewing a hot cuppa coffee in the morning and watching the birds fly across the sky. What if I'm happy growing a plant, baking a cake, writing a poem, reading a book - doing something small yet meaningful ?


That obviously strips me of my go-getter status but gives me something far more valuable - pure JOY. After all, isn't that what life is all about ? Knowing you're not in control, accepting that for a limitation and making the most of where you are today ? Knowing that impactful ideas are in the sub text, the spaces, the pauses and the silence that engulfs your being? While it is so simple to fathom, why is it so hard to practice ? I want to do that for myself, for my kid. I want her to idolize a life that leaves an indelible impact on loved ones, a life that's filled with LOVE and JOY and a life that has fulfilled its destiny by just being ME.