What living in America has taught me…

To tell you what living in America has taught me, I have to tell you how I got here. Like most engaging stories, you won’t appreciate the lesson till you understand the journey.

So, let’s start at the beginning…I was one of those young adults who detested the whole migration business growing up. I found it very off-putting that smart young people would be so enamored by the US (and other foreign lands) that they would do just about anything to leave India and settle abroad. And if you are from Hyderabad, you know I’m not kidding about the “anything”. It just didn’t add up in my tiny head. What was the craze about? Like most judgmental, narrow-minded people, I took an immediate aversion to it and decided that I was not going to be one of them. I didn’t want to go or live abroad. Travel? Sure but not to settle down.

Anyway, while I was making my grand plans to be a career-oriented, independent young woman symbolizing urban India, destiny had other plans. I got engaged to this charming young man, who, after 18 months of going thru sub-optimal proposals and average specimen seemed like a refreshing change. Someone I could share my ideas, my dreams and my life with. Someone cerebral who wanted to know more than if I could cook good food and take care of a home. Only one TINY problem. He was living and working in the US. No!! Why God? Why? Leaving my parents and the only place I knew to be home and moving so far away to be a part of the paradox I worked so hard to NOT be a part of. Irony was never more harrowing.

Long story short, the man out-weighed the predicament of living abroad. I got blissfully married and moved to the US which at that point in time seemed like a short term plan. It took months before I could open my heart and mind to the possibilities that US had to offer. I was home sick for the longest period of time. It wasn’t the change or the adjustment as much as it was losing everything I held core to my being. Family, extended family, social life, emotional support etc.

After having lived in the US for almost 11 years now, when I look back at my life and how it’s transformed me to the very core in fundamental ways, I’m not one bit surprised. While there are pros and cons to every situation including the living in India vs. US and I can argue both sides all day long, there are a few lessons I’ve learnt that I would not trade for anything in the world. I’ve evolved in ways I never envisioned; thanks to being on my own. While I could dissect that list and write a whole book, I’m going to try and abstract it to the 3 most fundamental realizations:

• Self-esteem and the social construct: In India, you are raised in the public eye among a lot of people. Folks that matter and folks that don’t. Everyone has an opinion and you are hard wired to seek validation. You are only as successful as the car you own or the number of houses you have or the money you can throw at people. You are only as happy as your relatives’ think you are and your Facebook page suggests. You are only as viable as people’s opinion of you. In short, your net worth and your self-esteem is a factor of what everyone else thinks of you. Being in the US, far away from people’s opinions and random actualizations, I experienced LIBERATION. Liberation from the life-long clutches to seek approval and please people. Don’t get me wrong. I still have an inner circle of folks including my parents whose thoughts and opinions matter. But I’ve learnt to determine who belongs to that inner circle and who doesn’t. And I’ve learnt to slowly but surely discount the existence of people not in that inner circle. In time, I’ve also learnt to love myself deeply for who I really am and forgive myself when I’m not perfect. I’ve always been a FREE SPIRIT, but I have to say this is a whole new level of NIRVANA.
• People are dispensable: Since I had a huge extended family and so many friends back in India, I believed many of them were an indispensable part of my happiness. And that not being around them would somehow keep me from being WHOLE. Distance and time have shown who among those people really care and are worthy of my time. Guess what? Those that got left behind, moved on and so did I. And I am no less rich in their absence; on the contrary I’ve learnt to hold on tighter and value/invest in relationships that matter so they don’t wither away with time. No harm, no foul but everyone is dispensable including me and that’s OK by me. I’ve also learnt that I can take on most challenges that life throws my way single-handedly and see them thru with a little faith in GOD and a strong belief in self. Having someone to share it with is a huge bonus but not par for the course. No problem in insurmountable but no one can do it for you.
• It opened up a WHOLE NEW WORLD: There is a lot to be said for diversity and exposure. Living in what is called the world’s “Melting pot” amongst people from different countries, religions, culture and ethnicities opens your horizons in ways that living in India never would have. I have an amazing lifestyle to offer to my daughter not to mention the gamut of possibilities that life in America has in store. I’m more open, I’m more flexible, I’m more broad-minded, I’m more accepting and I’m more enigmatic today than I’ve ever been and I’m loving every bit of it.

I say this with no sense of arrogance but in the most humble way possible. I have re-discovered myself, my strengths, my limitations, my relentless spirit and my unconquerable soul. I have re-invented my life living in a country that has offered me opportunities and the freedom to be whoever I want to be with no social stigma or handbook to follow. Thank you America, for being the anti-thesis to everything I made you out to be :)