For someone that was a social butterfly and seemingly popular with people, I had few real friends. I never had a dearth of people I got along with or people I shared common interests with or even people I could have a good time with. But I didn't really think of them as FRIENDS. My bar for friendship has been higher than my bar for most relationships. Simply because I believe Friendship is the only relationship of choice. All other relationships are determined by blood, fate, a legal document or all of the above.
Growing up, I was amazed that my mom, my brother and many other people I knew that had such a huge circle of friends. I was in awe of them. Mine was a small circle, almost a dot when it came to close friends. Perhaps, I'm not easy to be with too. Trust me, that thought has crossed my mind.
To this day, I am very purposeful about my friendships. Whether I choose them or they choose me, it is from a place of higher understanding and its definitely not existential. I've had a handful of deep, meaningful friendships that have changed my life forever. These handful of people have come, stayed or left but my life has never been the same again.
They all have had one common purpose. To be a part of my story and alter its course in beautiful, transformational and permanent ways. In hindsight, they have taught me a few meaningful lessons that have stood the test of time:
- They have your back - Unwavering, unconditional support. They have been there thru good and thru trying times, nudging me along, sometimes taking the heat, sometimes merely cheering from the sidelines. Even when I was completely at fault or I'd screwed up big time, they stood up for me. They yelled at me behind closed doors or over the phone but they ALWAYS stood up for me for the world to see. They have taught me what it means to trust implicitly and be loyal even when it seems improbable.
- Ego must go - Ego and love cannot coexist. If you love unconditionally, you have to let go of your ego. Its a journey getting there but when you do, its an easy choice. You always choose LOVE. Also, LOVE in its true form is selfless. Which means these people expected nothing in return from me. In retrospect, I think I gave very little out of sheer ignorance. But it made no difference. They just LOVED, anyway.
- Personal cheerleaders - They were my mirror when I needed to see myself for who I really was. It is miraculous what one can accomplish when there is someone who never stops believing in you and goes out of their way to show it.
- Active listeners - I was always the talker, I still am. I always have something to say, a point to make or just a wrinkle that needs smoothening. Sometimes I'm fascinating, other times I'm a drag. Sometimes I just need someone to hear me out and validate my fears or refute them. Other times I need someone to tell me it will all be fine. They understood my implicit, unspoken needs. They were amazing listeners and prevented my gift of the gab from becoming a curse.
- Footprints on your soul - This is indeed my favorite phrase. I use it often when I speak and when I write because it is the most tangible truth there is. Many people walk into your life but only a few leave footprints on your soul. I lovingly call them the "milestone people". They become a milestone in your life. There is life before them and there is life after them. All notions of time, space and reality are thereafter connected to their existence in your life.
I have been lucky to have about 5-6 people in this short life that have been true FRIENDS from this very perspective. I've met a lot of great people and made many meaningful acquaintances but only these friendships have traveled with me and stood the test of distance and time. These people know who they are and require no validation or acknowledgement. They came into my life for a reason, stayed for as long as they needed to and left having made me a better person for knowing them and being loved by them.
