Being ME !!

I was conditioned to believe that "Mediocrity is a sin". The world endorsed it by celebrating success, fame and money. Mediocrity was something to be feared, avoided and vehemently opposed at all costs. If you didn't excel, you didn't do enough. Go big or go home, as they say. I watched the role models, the so called prodigies and celebrities and started shaping my entire life around this idea. It slowly became the only way I knew how to navigate life.


Well, part of it may have been in my DNA (the never-ending nature vs. nurture argument). But part of it was self inflicted. I strived to be excellent at academics, I strived to be a good daughter, I strived to be good at anything I picked up. Obviously the drive was only for the things I cared about. I sucked at sports and that didn't bother me because I made peace with the fact that I wasn't cut out for it. Anyway, long story short, I slowly evolved into a Type A personality- the kind that pursues perfection and doesn't settle for anything less.

I am now a wife, a mom and a career woman. I still strive every day to balance it all and be the best I can be. In that journey, there are days that are immensely stressful and frustrating, way more than it needs to be. That's when I start wondering - what if I don't have it in me to go BIG? What if I'm happy being me ? What if this constant race to stay on top of things and given it my 100% has taken away from my potential for love and joy ? What if I don't want to impact thousands of lives, be remembered in history or have an epitaph that read "the world's greatest whatever" ? What if I don't want to solve everybody's problems and ensure they all live up to their potential (including my kid) ? What if I'm happy brewing a hot cuppa coffee in the morning and watching the birds fly across the sky. What if I'm happy growing a plant, baking a cake, writing a poem, reading a book - doing something small yet meaningful ?


That obviously strips me of my go-getter status but gives me something far more valuable - pure JOY. After all, isn't that what life is all about ? Knowing you're not in control, accepting that for a limitation and making the most of where you are today ? Knowing that impactful ideas are in the sub text, the spaces, the pauses and the silence that engulfs your being? While it is so simple to fathom, why is it so hard to practice ? I want to do that for myself, for my kid. I want her to idolize a life that leaves an indelible impact on loved ones, a life that's filled with LOVE and JOY and a life that has fulfilled its destiny by just being ME.