Surviving Marriage - Emerging unscathed.....

6 years into it and she was still dabbling with it. She was neither an authority on marriage nor was she qualified to presume so. But she'd survived it with grace and poise- so far. Three years ago she had some pretty profound ideas about the institution of marriage. For those that haven't read that post, stop by http://herspiritunveiled.blogspot.com/2008/11/i-do.html before you go any further.

Though nothing had shattered the core foundation of that thought process, a ton of thoughts had piled onto it with time and experience. While every marriage was different and not everything she learnt was universally applicable, she did believe that it absolutely would not disillusion the average married person reading it. So, here are a few - should we call it 'lessons learnt' ?

• While marriage like any good relationship takes work, it just shouldn't be an ordeal. 
• Like Leo Tolstoy once said "What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility"
• Mutual respect is indispensable and this is most relevant in adversity and conflict.
• When you marry a person, you marry the entity - the upbringing, the baggage they come with, the insecurities, the influences and a plethora of idiosyncrasies 
• There is a thin line between ego and self-respect. While you can do away with the former, one should never let go of the latter.
• What is to be told and what to withhold - Transparency is good but diplomacy is better.
• Soul mates do exist. Just don't count on it being the person you're married to.
• Children may be a great reason to get married but they shouldn't be the sole reason to stay married.
• There will be highs and lows but the beauty of marriage lies in the crescendo ending in perfect symphony.
• Marriage has to be orchestrated. There is no such thing as perfect harmony.
• Complacence spells the death of passion and romance in a marriage.
• In the end, there has to be a strong binding force for a marriage to survive. Some attribute it to love, some to passion, some to commitment, some to societal norms, some to children and some others to mere convenience. Each to his own. 

The way she saw it, one had to be invested in it. In the end, marriage was what you made of it. While a long list of virtues contributed to surviving marriage, the one that topped her list was short-term memory :) 

She'd grown, matured and evolved with 6 years of marriage way more than she had in the 25 years before it. She wasn't sure if she'd become a better person or not but it had transformed her for sure. She was yet to progress from "Surviving" marriage to "Thriving" in it.

On a lighter note:
"If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married" :) -Katharine Hepburn


So long folks !