Its the little things...

I was rushing home from work the other evening around 6 pm, eager to get home since I usually pick up my daughter from school and I'm home before my husband. But today, I had to stay late for a meeting and my husband ended up picking up our little girl. I park my car in the garage and walk in after a long day at work. I see that my 10 year old daughter is fed and is blissfully playing ball with her Dad. A hot cup of coffee is awaiting me on the table and my cheerful husband casually looks up and says "You're late today, how was your day?"

I suddenly felt love and gratitude overcome me. It was a very small gesture of thoughtfulness but it touched and moved me ardently. That got me thinking... When we choose a life partner we have grand notions about love and attraction. We look for the important things - education, employment, good looks, family background, economic status, compatibility etc. Over time, these macro qualities while still significant cease to be the center of our universe of continued, everlasting love. Soon, its the little things that matter. 

The fact that your spouse diligently makes the bed and fluffs the pillows when you didn't feel like doing it yourself. The looks you exchange across the room at a party and he understands you're tired or bored and would like to leave so gets up and starts bidding goodbyes. Or when you are dealing with a sick, grumpy little child and you're at your wits end, he walks in, winks at you and carries the child out to get some air so you can take a moment to collect yourself. Or goes grocery shopping for bread and eggs and brings back flowers for you. Or looks at you when you're not looking and wonders what they did to be so lucky as to deserve you. Its the little things.

Its a warm Saturday morning. I go to the kitchen to make my husband a cup of tea and myself a cup of coffee. I hear him playing the violin that goes on for the next 45 mins or so. I'm deeply inspired to see a man taking time to learn a musical instrument amidst his busy work-life schedule. He does it because he wants to invest in himself and he actually diligently practices it at 7am on a Sat morning as though his livelihood depends on it.

I venture into the kitchen to start making breakfast and I reminiscence the reason I started cooking. I wasn't really a hands on cook until after marriage. Now, I make an effort to cook fresh food every day because my husband loves homemade food. Over time, I've gotten pretty good at it. 15 years ago, I would have laughed if you'd told me I would be a decent cook someday.

But I've learnt that its the love with which you cook, that makes for a great meal, not the skill or the recipes. I want my husband to remember what my "Chole" or my "Sambar" tastes like -- no matter where he goes. It warms my heart when he can tell the taste of my food apart from every other dish on the table or when he calls to say he misses my food when he's traveling and the fact that he praises my cooking consistently after 12 years of marriage. That is what keeps a relationship thriving. Knowing what little things are important for the other person and making room in your life for it.

I'm most vulnerable when I'm sick even though that is seldom. And for someone like me that is used to taking responsibility of themselves and others and almost never needing a shoulder, its good to have someone say "Please make sure you eat healthy today, you had heartburn yesterday" and then goes on to make you a toast for breakfast before he leaves for work. Or hands you a $150 gift card and asks you to go shop just when you decide to not spend frivolous money on yourself. It is the little things.

It is these little gestures of kindness, compassion and generosity that strengthen a relationship. It is these fundamental qualities of honesty, integrity and loyalty that become the hallmarks of a great relationship.  For a mature, intelligent, happy relationship, it takes two people that are individually whole and fulfilled to extend that sense of peace and joy unto the other. It takes two people who know they are entirely capable of existing individually but choose to co-exist because it makes life bigger and better. 

There are many blessings in life - the peace and quiet in your home, the loving, caring, steadfast loyalty of your spouse, giving your kids a nurturing, thriving environment where they see their parents love and appreciate one another...But the most profound blessing of all is to love and be loved in a million little ways.

May you find these little things everyday, embrace them and turn them into a million little opportunities to prove that love lurks behind every corner as you make your way through this grand journey called life.